...
Jawaria
Until the 31st returns.
days since you got jealous that night and became mine.
The Phases
The number of layers I had to unfold to know your real soft self beneath.
Promising you the comfort of the space where you could cry in my arms every time.
To be certain about that going forward, you are what I need in my life and nothing else.
October 6
The sky recorded the exact moment my life changed. This was the shape of the moon the night you became mine.
how are you feeling
right now, honestly
The Odds
You know they say the probability of a person existing exactly as they are is 1 in 400 trillion. Every decision, every star collapsing, even every masturbation that our ancestors did in order, all of it happened just so I could look at you today and tell god that making the world was worth it.
My Observations
the small things
details i carry without meaning to
scratch to reveal
something i've been holding for you
you’re the most beautiful surprise that life ever gave me.
use your finger or mouse to scratch
Why I love you, Jawaria
Because tusi te bare pretty ho.
the promise jar
small things i swear to you
tap to unfold a promise
don't rush
In a lifetime of temporary things, you are my favorite constant.
draw our constellation
connect the stars — see what we become
use headphones (its a rant)
0:00 / 0:00
Some things are better heard than read.
Reserved Frames
Empty spaces waiting for the moments we haven't lived yet.
Our first coffee date.
That one blurry selfie we'll take.
You, looking pretty.
Things i wanna do when we meet
To lock our eyes and stay there until your blush catches up.
Listening to tender music together while I cook noodles for you.
Sit next to you and write a poem of words which come to my mind seeing you.
a sealed letter
locked until the day we meet
Alright, one thing is confirmed, by the time you'll be reading this, you'd be sitting next to me. Or maybe on my lap if you are not being shy right now. But when the fuck we are going to meet I mean I have no idea in heaven or hell. It will be the most unstable emotional kicker day for both of us. Oh, you think I'm going to act all okay and cool? I bet you, I'd be kicking my feet in the air on my way to you. But what do I get you? If I tell you right now, even giving you a hint might ruin the surprise and my future self will hate me for it. But leave all that.
Something that started on 14th august with a single text and now we're sitting into each other's presence is nothing less than a miracle of possibilities. But the possibility of "what if we never meet" exists as well. Don't kick me in the nuts if you're reading this alright, I'm just afraid to lose you that's all. I love you more than a man could love so the mixture of getting what one wants sometimes scare you off as well. But at the same time, something about this doesn't feel temporary. I've tried to doubt it, it just doesn't sit right.
It's February now and I think I should code something into the website that will count the days since October and we'll see after how many days we meet, if we meet.
Okay let's assume we are meeting today, what do I notice first thing about you? Your smile? More like blushes. Or how your almondy doe eyes change when you smile. I keep wondering what the first 5 seconds will look like. Do we just stand there like idiots or do I pull you in before my brain even catches up or or…
Being honest don't want to bore you with this letter, if you're next to me, kiss me already. (I'm jealous of my lucky future self). Bye.
this letter opens the day we finally meet.
days since the day we finally met.
Happy Birthday, My Jawaria
Today feels like the world paused for a second just to make space for you and somehow i'm the lucky one, existing in the same timeline, breathing the same air, getting to know you in ways no one else does. That's a flex actually. It's a quiet kind of miracle, having you here, having you in my life.
But this year, i don't want to love you on autopilot really. i want to love you with intention to notice the small things i might've missed, the shifts in your voice, the cries you don't explain early on, the thoughts you keep just beneath the surface. i want to understand you, not just be close to you.
I want to learn your silences the way people learn songs, to be the place you come to when everything feels heavy and the reason you smile when it suddenly doesn't. and no matter how much time passes, i never want you to feel ordinary to me. i want that same pull, that same wonder like who trapped who but I'd love you like i'm still discovering you for the first time.
and just so you know, i do plan on annoying you consistently this year too but just in a more thoughtful, premium kind of way because you're not just someone in my life, you're the part that softens everything and you give me teas i didn't know i needed so i love you deeply, honestly and for everything.